Abuse in a relationship can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward understanding your situation and seeking help. This relationship abuse checklist outlines behaviors and patterns that may indicate an abusive relationship.
What Is Relationship Abuse?
Relationship abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner. Abuse is not always physical—it can involve manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and other tactics to harm or dominate the other person.
Relationship Abuse Checklist
1. Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Emotional abuse involves behaviors that damage your self-esteem or emotional well-being.
- [ ] They insult or criticize you, often in hurtful or humiliating ways.
- [ ] They call you names, belittle you, or mock your feelings.
- [ ] They use guilt, blame, or manipulation to control your actions.
- [ ] They dismiss or invalidate your feelings (e.g., “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re too sensitive.”).
- [ ] They threaten to harm themselves or others to manipulate you.
- [ ] They isolate you from friends, family, or support networks.
- [ ] They gaslight you by denying events, twisting the truth, or making you doubt your memory.
- [ ] They minimize or deny their abusive behavior.
2. Physical Abuse
Physical abuse involves causing or threatening harm to your body.
- [ ] They hit, slap, punch, shove, or physically harm you in any way.
- [ ] They destroy your belongings or throw objects to intimidate you.
- [ ] They restrain you, block your way, or prevent you from leaving a space.
- [ ] They use physical intimidation, such as standing over you or invading your personal space.
- [ ] They threaten to harm you, your children, or your pets.
3. Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse involves forcing or coercing you into sexual activities without consent.
- [ ] They pressure or force you into sexual acts when you don’t want to.
- [ ] They ignore your boundaries or don’t respect your consent.
- [ ] They criticize your sexual choices, preferences, or performance.
- [ ] They withhold intimacy as a way to punish or control you.
- [ ] They engage in sexual activity when you’re unable to consent (e.g., when intoxicated).
- [ ] They use guilt or manipulation to make you engage in sexual acts.
4. Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is when one partner controls or exploits the other’s financial resources.
- [ ] They control all the finances and refuse to let you access money.
- [ ] They make you account for every dollar you spend.
- [ ] They prevent you from working or sabotage your job opportunities.
- [ ] They take your money, steal, or withhold financial resources.
- [ ] They run up debt in your name or damage your financial standing.
5. Controlling and Manipulative Behaviors?
These behaviors are used to limit your freedom and autonomy.
- [ ] They monitor your movements, phone, or social media activity.
- [ ] They dictate what you wear, where you go, or who you spend time with.
- [ ] They act jealous or possessive, questioning your relationships or activities.
- [ ] They demand constant updates on your whereabouts or make you “check in” frequently.
- [ ] They make decisions for you without your input.
- [ ] They use ultimatums to force compliance (e.g., “If you don’t do this, I’ll leave you.”).
6. Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is the use of language to hurt, demean, or intimidate.
- [ ] They yell or scream at you during arguments.
- [ ] They use sarcasm or “jokes” to put you down.
- [ ] They curse at you or use threatening language.
- [ ] They interrupt you or refuse to let you express your thoughts.
- [ ] They talk over you or dismiss your opinions.
7. Digital Abuse
Digital abuse involves using technology to harass, control, or intimidate.
- [ ] They demand access to your passwords or accounts.
- [ ] They check your phone, messages, or social media without permission.
- [ ] They constantly text or call you to monitor your activities.
- [ ] They post negative or private information about you online.
- [ ] They use social media or apps to track your location.
- [ ] They prevent you from using technology (e.g., confiscating your phone).
8. Threats and Intimidation?
Threats are used to instill fear or gain control.
- [ ] They threaten to harm you, your loved ones, or themselves.
- [ ] They use their physical size or presence to intimidate you.
- [ ] They display weapons or talk about using them.
- [ ] They make veiled threats, such as “You’ll regret it if you leave me.”
- [ ] They threaten to reveal private or embarrassing information about you.
How to Recognize the Patterns
- If you checked several items, it’s a sign you may be experiencing relationship abuse.
- Abuse often occurs in cycles, starting with tension-building, escalating to an abusive incident, and followed by a period of calm or apologies (known as the “honeymoon phase”).
What to Do If You Recognize Abuse
- Acknowledge the Abuse: Recognizing the signs is the first step toward change. Abuse is never your fault.
- Reach Out for Support:
- Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor.
- Contact a domestic violence hotline for confidential help.
- Create a Safety Plan:
- Plan how to leave safely if you’re in immediate danger.
- Pack essentials (ID, money, keys) in case you need to leave quickly.
- Seek Professional Help:
- Work with a therapist or counselor who specializes in abuse.
- Explore legal options like restraining orders or custody arrangements.
- Use Resources:
- Domestic violence shelters can provide temporary housing and support.
Helpful Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (US):
- Website: thehotline.org
- Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- Text: Text "START" to 88788
- Women’s Aid (UK):
- Website: womensaid.org.uk
- Love Is Respect (For Teens & Young Adults):
- Website: loveisrespect.org
Important Notes
- Abuse is never your fault, no matter the circumstances.
- Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult, but support is available to help you make a plan and stay safe.
- Even if abuse is not physical, emotional and psychological abuse can cause significant harm and should not be ignored.
If you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, don’t hesitate to seek help. You are not alone, and there are people and resources ready to support you.